Courage before Confidence

Is lacking "confidence" the issue or do we need 'courage"?

Courage before Confidence

I was listening to a Mel Robbins podcast. The topic was about setting up your dream life. She spoke about going after your passion and the blocks that you might face. How majority of us don’t feel confident enough and this one line just make me stop:

“Courage comes before Confidence” .

Here we are focusing on confidence. How we “don’t feel confident” or “if only I had more confidence”.

What we really need is COURAGE!

Because Courage comes before Confidence

We need the courage to step out and go after what we want. The courage to be different. Be courageous in our endeavours.

The courage to have that big idea. To dream for something bigger and better!

First, we need the courage to take those first steps and the confidence will come.

Genius right?

Courage before confidence because confidence comes in the doing..

A rule of the mind is that our minds love what is familiar and will reject what isn’t. Its why when we feel excited starting a new job. Then we are hit with feelings of doubt. Doubting our abilities feeling like an imposter. “What if I am not good enough?” etc

The environment and the people are simply, unfamiliar to us.

Another rule of the mind, is that our mind always wants to move you away from pain (perceived pain) and towards pleasure (happiness, joy etc).

So the way we overcome this is.. to keep going. We attend our first day and our second and then every day for a week and then a month and after a few months.. we start to feel comfortable and… yes… more confident!.

This ‘new job” isn’t new anymore. It is familiar to you now.

But... yes a "but"

what if after a year, you still don’t feel ‘confident’?

Is it your environment?

Is someone at work making you feel less than you should? Was there an adequate hand over? Is you manager or colleagues very critical? Is the environment not supportive? Or is there something more going on?

Have you always felt this way?

As you think back over your life, have you always felt this way? No matter how often you do something and do it well, you still don’t feel “confident”?. Or you realise that you cannot recall a moment you felt good about what you were doing?

It may be a learned behaviour. Does everyone in your family remain ‘humble”? Were you chastised for being too ‘confident” as a child?

It might be a lifetime of not being allowed to feel good enough. Not having the support you deserve and need.

Do you remember being overly criticised as a child? Never seeming to get it right?

Everyone is unique and it may not be what I describe above. It may be something entirely different.

A great tool I like to use to help me break through this, is to write down all the things you do and don’t like about yourself. A personal "Pros and Cons" list.

Which list is longer? Which list was easier to write?

No one is perfect and we all have good and bad qualities depending on who you ask.

Perfection is only what "you perceive as "perfect".

Now its time to shift your perception

Now re-write both lists from the perspective of a friend. What does your friend see? Maybe ask a friend if you feel comfortable enough.

It always amazed me whenever I admitted I wasn’t feeling confident and the looks on my friends faces when I told them. They were surprised and very quick to tell me how fantastic I was. How I always seemed to have it all together. I couldn’t hear them. I couldn’t understand who they were talking about. I wish I was that person they described.

This does not have to be your life.

So many of use feel this way all the time. It should be seen as a wonderful opportunity to begin exploring who you really are and begin a relationship with yourself.

Looking at your list, what did you write down in your "pros" list? Focusing on the things you are good at and like about yourself. How can you maximise these and focus on these. What is stopping you from embracing these qualities.

Are the things on your "cons" list stopping you from achieving what you want? Are they even true? Would you put those things on a friends list?

Maybe its time to start a journey getting to know exactly who you are. The process above is a great way to start.

It is always good to questions the thoughts you have about yourself. Check if they are really true or maybe you have just said them to yourself so many times, you assumed they were true.

Just remember we tend to be far too self-critical. Focus on the good qualities about yourself. More of the good stuff.

If you think some additional support working through this would help. Know support is available and get in touch.

Are you ready to get started?