Surviving Corporate and where I am now.

As someone who has worked in corporate for over 20 years, Ive experienced many highs and lows of the corporate world. I have experienced redundancy 3x and had to pivot my chosen career path more than once. Worked for and with some great companies and some that were.. well, not so great..

I am someone who I would consider to be quite adaptable and can dust myself off easily and give things a go.

However after that 2nd redundancy something inside me shifted. I was no longer optimistic and planning my future career and path. I slipped into survival and stayed there for the next 12 years.

I had experienced redundancy so early in my career and one after the other that it shaped how I saw the corporate world. I ended up in a job and company that felt safe and secure. I loved the culture and the people but it wasn't exactly what I had planned for myself or what I had been working and studying for.

I had lost so much of my confidence and go-getter attitude I held myself back and when I did try to put myself out there, I experienced push back from people in influential positions. To these people I didn't "have it". To me it felt like the world was telling me to be quiet down and go back into 'my box" and stop poking my head out until I was asked to.

As I reflect on my career, I stayed in jobs too long and in environments that did not support my growth.

I looked very confident on the outside but inside I was second guessing myself so much, I made some really silly little mistakes that I would agonise over for far too long, while others would not have even noticed or remembered.

I still pushed ahead and continued to put myself out there but it did feel lonely. I didn't feel that anyone had my back. People seemed to have opinions about what I did and did not deserve. What rights I had earned.

I would be conscientious and innovative and some managers didn't like that, so I stopped and did as I was told but was held back from promotions because I "didn't demonstrate initiative"..

Your damned if you do and damned if you dont.. right?

I was determining my pace based on what I thought others wanted. I was looking for feedback and validation from the wrong people. I wanted to be liked by my peers but also my manager. Often the decisions you make will conflict, to suit one or the other, especially when you are changing yourself to fit into a company and culture that no longer supports you.

If I could do it all again, I would take the time to get very clear on my values and what is important to me. I would seek out companies and environments that support these and help me evolve and grow. I would leave when it shifted or when I could see I was bored and no longer evolving.

Instead, I was driven by my fear of being out of a job. Not being good enough and too dispensable.

This level of survival was reeking havoc on my mental and emotional health and in turn, my physical health.

In 2021 I had to step back. The world felt like it was falling apart and nothing made sense anymore. I was exhausted and had been diagnosed with an autoimmune condition (Hashimotos). Stress was a big trigger and my partner begged me to slow down and take a break.

The reality is that I couldn't just "not work" that would further trigger my survival response. So Instead I went down to part time and decided to do something I had always wanted to do, I signed up to become a Hypnotherapist.

The training I chose was in depth. I learned many psychological tools and really learned about our mind and how it works, what drives it and why we do what we do.

I had a lot of sessions to help me work through why I ended up where I did. I also seemed to attract people who walked a similar path into my world.

I continued to learn, taking on more training and other methods of regression, furthering my studies and skills. First to apply to myself and then to offer to others.

I learned so much about how I ended up here and how it all stems much further into my childhood and even deeper into my ancestry. This is called epigenetics if you wish to learn more. I will write a post on this one day.

Now, I feel that I have come out the other side. I dont feel like Im in survival anymore. Of course there are times this pops up, but I am able to recognise the feeling and feel comfortable sitting with it. I dont avoid it.

I understand stress and overwhelm so much more. I recognise the toll it has on us and how long that recovery can take.

Its taken me 5 years to get to where I am now. To be able to reflect on my experience and write this. I wish I had known how long it would take.. I would have taken myself more seriously. Taken time to care for me and not everyone around me.

I like to think the experiences I had have shaped who I am now and that I had to live through it all to be able to help people with similar feelings and experiences today.

I know the feeling well. Feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, needing to always be productive and perfect and wrestling with this constant frustration and as you have no capacity for anything more but.. still feeling like you need to do MORE.

I also know how it feels to live in harmony and flow with the world around you. Not needing to always be productive. Not always pushing and proving yourself.

How it feels to have space and want things again. To feel excited and in control in a way that seems to just flow with ease. To feel like you are manifesting all you want seamlessly.

Its a wonderful place to be. One I hope you can find for yourself.

Want to learn more and how I can help you find that same ease and flow again? Follow me on my socials Instagram and Facebook or curious to find out how to work with me? Book a free call.